The past couple of Wednesdays I have been going to Church, celebrating God without really knowing exactly what or why I have been celebrating until tonight. Today, I found God, I listened to Arthur, the preacher, talk about Job and his complete and utter faith towards God when absolutely everything was going wrong in his life from tornados killing his entire family to having this awful skin diseases with pulsating puss. There was this single moment during his prayer, as we finished the night, where I felt absolutely everything and broke into tears. It was like at that very moment I gave myself over, and I want to keep feeling that feeling, it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It was a clash of sadness, regret, and guilt coupled with this happiness, this joy to have finally let myself go, to not rely completely on myself for everything I go through. I want to keep feeling that euphoric sense of hope, and passion. That was my spark of faith, something that everyone I know at my church has gone through, and something I needed to feel at exact moment. The minutes after my 'spark' my friends and I hugged each other and swayed as the Christian music played, each os us with tears in our eyes and smiles on our faces. I now have this urge to pray, something I have never felt the need to do, this urge to learn everything about God and Jesus, and to celebrate it, fully. I realize that not everyone will experience that feeling, and maybe they don't need to, but I know I needed it.
Come back next week to read about my perspective of LOVE !
Drama, oh how I despise it. Today my parents got in a fight over something my mom said to her best friend, who then told her husband, one of my dad’s best friends, who then told all of my dad’s friends. My dad proceeded to get mad at my mom because what she said got so twisted in translation it made it seem cynical. I swear they have more drama in their life than I have had in my entire high school career. Talk about suburban living. Anyway, drama, it exists in all of our lives, whether it be good, a new boy in someone’s life, or bad, a misunderstanding between friends that turns into this huge fight, and sometimes we can control it (prevent it if you’re like me) but other times we can’t. I guess that is the beauty/ interesting aspect of it though, the unexpected twist that Hollywood loves to capture. The world thrives on drama, people are exploited, countries go to war, conflicts arise everywhere and most of us can’t do anything to stop it. So, I guess my point for this rant is to tell you guys not to worry about the drama you can’t control, hell be Switzerland if you have to, because its just simply not your problem.
Bring out your Bibles, cause we are talking about religion next Wednesday!
What is giving? and why do we do it? Do we do it to feel good, feel like we are contributing to society? or do we do it out of the kindness in our hearts? Do we give more for our image to appear ‘nice’? to appear ‘charitable’ to society? I guess no matter how you look at it, you are still giving and that is what truly matters, in the broad sense. But as a person, don’t you want to know why you feel the need to give? Maybe take a step back and look at the why. Why do you feel the need to buy your friends meal while you are out to dinner? Why do you donate money at your church? Why do you give your clothes away to goodwill? Personally, I am at fault for giving money to someone to better my relationship with them, buying them a meal so maybe they will like me more. I hate that I have thought that and that it didnt just come from the bottom of my heart. I hate that I had to have a motive to want to give something to someone. I want to stop myself in the future from doing something nice in vain and not just to be nice, because that is who I want to be and who I aspire to be.
Tune in for next Wednesday’s talk about drama :)
Hello Everybody. This is a new blog I am starting on my ever many questions about life, love, religion, and the overall universe because the world is one messed up ball of uncertainty. You will follow my journey of self-discovery and help me cope with whatever I might need to rant about or laugh about, or cry about. So I hope you enjoy my inner thoughts and discretions, and are able to relate to me somehow, or someway.